People are Troublesome
by NoodleRamen
Summary: Imaginative title is imaginative. Shikamaru ends up being followed around by the annoying school psycho Hidan. Rated M for Hidan and occasionally Kiba.
1. Chapter 1

**People are Troublesome**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

"Do you think she ever gave him a blowjob?" Kiba's statement was met with glares. "What? I think that's a perfectly reasonable question."

"I seriously worry about your future." Sakura had long given up on beating Kiba. He made so many comments she decided he was too far gone to change so she just stuck to occasionally lecturing him.

"I'm sorry but this sucks! It's boring old language with two over dramatic pricks who kill themselves at the end!"

"It's Shakespeare and it's compulsory so get over it." Sasuke was matter of fact as always. "Now be quiet a second, we need to pass this."

"But they were only teenagers! They were like 13, and they killed themselves, that's pretty melodramatic." It was a surprisingly long word for him and all three of them were temporarily taken aback.

"Not that I don't agree with you but you need to stop bitching." Shikamaru already had his usual English headache starting up. All the shrieking annoying girls in the corner always set him off.

"Ah you guys are boring. I wish Shino wasn't ill. Or Naruto was here."

"I'm surprised you're not in the lower group with Naruto." Sakura said what the rest of them were thinking.

"It's not my fault I'm scarily good at exams. I tried to bunk off before but mum nearly killed me when she saw my grades."

"I can understand that…" Shikamaru's mother would never let him slack off since the school had decided to test him and found that he was technically a genius. They'd tricked him and told him that they were just stupid games and as they got him out of lessons he did them. It was the worst thing he could've done apparently.

"So… What exactly is this assignment anyway?" There was a collective sigh around the table. They'd been expecting it but it still annoyed just as much as always.

"'A group presentation on the symbolism in Romeo and Juliet'. The exact words on the piece of paper in front of you. Seriously, we'll do most of the work, all you have to do is pay enough attention so you can do the actual presentation." He stared at Shikamaru in horror.

"When did we decide this?"

"You stupid-. Five minutes ago! You agreed to it!" Kiba pondered this a minute.

"Oh yeah." All of them had to hold back from throttling him and there was much relief when the bell rang for lunch.

Shikamaru was pleased he could have an hour of sleep before maths in last period with irritating Yamato. He wasn't a bad teacher but he always made a special effort to give Shikamaru more work so he wasn't 'bored'.

"Shika!" Choji had been waiting for him at the end of the hallway as he usually did. "What have you got for lunch?"

"Just take it all. I had something from the shop at break."

"Really? Thanks man! I just need to finish my curry first." Choji had such a massive appetite it was kind of amazing. Shikamaru had always been dumping his healthy lunches on his friend in favour of store bought crap since he'd known him.

"So where are the others?"

"They headed to the usual place." He had already started on the rice.

"As long as they left my usual spot free, I'm good."

Their little group of friends had congregated on the same patch of grass in the corner of the playground since they'd first started at the school. Most of the things that happened in their group happened there. Highlights included hoodie wrestling, Naruto the bin dalek, and Shino and Kiba's surprise kiss (with help from Sakura and Ino). Shikamaru usually slept by the fence and was just getting comfortable when he was interrupted by Sasuke, the asshole.

"Shika, did we need that textbook? The green one?" This was enough to ruin his peaceful mood.

"…I think we do. Damn."

"Did you forget it? Because _someone,_" he scowled at Naruto who grinned sheepishly, "has lost mine and I know he'll be pissed if both of us don't have one."

"No it's worse than that. I left it in my locker."

"Ohh… Well good luck with that." They all looked sympathetic but no one offered to go with him.

_Troublesome maths. _He got up and marched unusually quickly for him across the playground. He preferred to do it quickly if he had to. The problem wasn't really that locker. It was perfectly fine with that. It was just the location. Their school had an irritating habit of switching them round every couple of years and that was all well and good but this year it had screwed him over.

Before he'd been near friends or at least amiable people. All the other people in the lockers near him had managed to persuade other people to share or to simply carry everything with them at all times. He'd tried both but as his friends had no space and as he nearly gave himself a back injury carrying everything, he had to just put up with it. It was just bad luck that the locker next to his belonged to the school psycho Hidan.

From the first day of school the boy had been difficult. He refused to talk to anyone who tried with him, swore at the teachers, picked fights with people, never did any work and was simply terrifying as hell. Considering that he never had any books, he used his locker fairly often and so it was hard for Shikamaru to time his visits to avoid Hidan. He'd seen the guy upend a bin over Kabuto's head for walking too close and so it was a matter of life and death.

As always he made a quick check from a distance before speed walking over and pulling out what he needed. He never quite ran but he got close if he thought he heard someone coming. It was with much relief that he got back to the usual spot unscathed.

"So you didn't set off Mt. Hidan then?" Choji had finished his own lunch and started on his whilst he'd been gone.

"Luckily." At least he was unlikely to be beaten up today.

-Page Break-

Shikamaru glared at the papers in front of him. He would've been quite content to only do one or two sheets like the rest of the class but Yamato had decided that this wasn't good enough and had given him four. Cursing his brain, he got to work in the hope that he could finish it fast enough to have a sleep on the desk for part of the lesson.

As he was finishing the third sheet he noticed the teacher looking his way and cursed internally. He was definitely going to give him more work. However he did have a stroke of luck. Just as Yamato started heading over Hidan slammed the door open and went and sat in his corner, no bags or books.

The chatter in the room lagged slightly and Sasuke who was sitting next to him rolled his eyes. At least this meant the rest of them would get away with doing next to nothing this lesson. Everybody watched Yamato steeling himself for the confrontation. Unlike most other teachers who just let Hidan be, Yamato was still young enough to feel that he was letting him down as his teacher if he didn't at least try to get him to do work. Although he was talking in normal tones most of the room could hear.

"You're a little late again Hidan."

"No shit Sherlock." A few people sniggered.

"Right… well it's not a problem but you might have to work a little harder to catch up." He put the sheets on the table in front of them and Hidan stared at them. He continued to stare whilst Yamato went back to his desk. Instead of staring at Shikamaru he was now focused on Hidan, meaning he could lean forward and nap a little. He wasn't overly interested in watching as long as he wasn't bothered. After he'd been there for five minutes and still done no work, Yamato decided to intervene.

"Err… Hidan?"

"Ohh, he hesitated." Sasuke did like to make a running commentary.

"That will be lethal." Shikamaru sometimes joined in.

"What?" He was in a bad mood too. This was going to be particularly interesting.

"Do you need any help?"

"With what?" This took Yamato aback a little.

"Your work."

"What work?"

"The one on your-." Hidan picked up the sheets, neatly ripped them up and dropped the shreddings onto the desk. He then looked Yamato in the eye as if daring him to say something. "You really shouldn't do that."

"Why not?"

"It's a waste of paper…" It was a weak argument and he knew it.

"You shouldn't have printed me one then. Fucking retard."

"…Excuse me a second." Yamato left the room. He did this often when troubles arose. The rest of the class did pity him but there wasn't much to do.

Not long after, their chemistry teacher Kakashi appeared. He glanced at Hidan who stared levelly back at him and sighed.

"Alright guys, you can finish early." It seemed he couldn't be bothered with setting them more work. No one was going to complain about this and the classroom emptied pretty quickly.

"I wish we had more like these."

"I think Yamato is the only one who'll we get it from." Shikamaru knew that most other teachers would just force them to do more work.

"I like it when he does that but he's still a bit of a prick."

"Indeed." He didn't like Yamato that much but even he didn't deserve it. "At least it feels like a fair fight when he starts on Kakashi or Sasori."

"I think it's about even with Sasori." Kakashi never cared but the art teacher had a tendency to throw things at students who annoyed him and so rows with him were always spectacular. "I'm surprised they haven't thrown him out yet."

"I guess there's some kind of extenuating circumstances." If he had some kind of problem then it wouldn't be surprising that the school let him have a bit of slack.

"Maybe they're just terrified of throwing him out."

"Also likely."

Sasuke lived in the opposite direction to Shikamaru and so they separated at the gates. He could've waited around for Choji but he had stuff to do. Besides, Choji was probably going to do something with Ino as usual. Shikamaru had no patience with this kind of thing. He'd tried dating Gaara's sister but she'd wanted to do things every day and got pissy with him for not spending all his time with her. He'd gotten sick of it after a while and had sworn off relationships until at least his twenties when he hoped people would have gotten over themselves.

Their town was small and spread out and he had to walk across fields to get to his house. For some reason only known to them, his father had decided he wanted to live as far away from people as possible. This wasn't a problem as such but it did make it annoying to get to his house after school.

The house was deserted when he returned and so he happily raided the cupboards of all the good stuff before his dad could steal it and stashed it in his room. The day he got one of those mini safes was a wonderful one indeed. Especially when his dad tried to pry it open in the middle of the night and started swearing when the alarm went off.

"Shika? Get down here quick, I need your help." He had barely had five minutes alone before his dad had appeared.

"What do you want?" He didn't feel like moving for nothing.

"Just hurry up! Your mother will be here soon." He sighed and walked down the stairs to where his dad was hovering in the doorway on the lookout.

"This better not be anything stupid."

"I need to use your safe."

"…Because?"

"I don't want your mother seeing this." He handed Shikamaru a package.

"This better not be anything weird. Or illegal."

"What kind of opinion do you have of me?" There was the sound of a car in the driveway. "Shit! Just hide it!"

"But-."

"Now!" Shikamaru did as he was asked although he felt like he was being abused here.

He couldn't even bring himself to look inside and just threw it in the box. He didn't want to know what he was being involved in. Within seconds of this he had a text from Kiba asking him if under the bed was a good place to hide porn.

…_I don't know anyone normal. _

_**This is a random fic I've been wanting to try out for a while so any feedback would be great. Hope you enjoyed reading it :3**_


	2. Chapter 2

**People are Troublesome**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

After a very long sleepless night with heavy thunderstorms and thin bedroom windows, Shikamaru was practically falling asleep at the school desk that morning. He didn't even care that Naruto was using him as a table for his textbooks.

"Ok, don't move." From the weight he could feel, it seemed there were a fair few books on his head.

"Couldn't you let me lie down first?"

"You can't move now!" Although annoyed he couldn't be bothered to fight so he just accepted his fate as a plaything for assorted fools.

His ordeal only ended when their tutor Iruka appeared. He was always nagging Naruto when he acted like a moron so the books were soon removed from his head. Shikamaru always sat next to Choji with Naruto and Sasuke behind and Sakura and Ino next to them. Kiba, Shino, Sai and Hinata sat at the other side of the room. Shikamaru had long ago worked out that being right at the front in the corner meant you were less likely to be noticed doing pretty much nothing than if you sat right at the back.

"What were we doing in history again?"

"Still old fashioned medicine Choji." The other boy only really paid attention when it came to food. If it hadn't been for other people he would've probably failed many an exam.

"There's no homework, right?"

"Nope."

"Well that's ok then." He then resumed eating his crisps loudly. Iruka ignored this blatant breaking of the no eating in class time rule. He used to get annoyed but after a while he learnt that if he just let Choji do it then he would actually pay more attention.

"Shika? Psst, Shika?" He considered ignoring Naruto but when he did there was usually some kind of continuous pestering.

"What do you want?" _It better not be one of his stupid-._

"Why are oranges the only fruit named after their colour? Or was the colour named after the fruit?"

"…Is he serious?" Sasuke nodded and looked away. Wisely he wanted nothing to do with it. "Where did that even come from? And why is it always you?"

"That guy over in that class has oranges and it got me thinking."

"Why would you think I'd know? Ask Iruka." It was always Naruto who did these stupid things and he always seemed to ask Shikamaru. It was probably a compliment because he was assuming he was smart enough to know these things but it still got on his nerves a fair bit.

It wasn't until midway through the second lesson of the day that things actually became interesting. They'd had a few tests the week before and so most of their lessons were taken up with returning the tests and being bitched at for an hour. Kiba had a habit of stealing people's test papers and turning them into paper planes. Partway through their history lesson Kiba decided that just throwing them at any teachers or bins was too boring and so decided that Shikamaru would make a good alternative target.

The first two he didn't mind that much. The fifth one was when it started to get a little annoying but at the same time was just about bearable. By the time it got to nine though it was getting ridiculous.

_Stupid multi-page tests. _He could see Kiba preparing yet another plane. Instead of throwing one back he decided to wait until an opportunity came to better deal with him. One came sooner than expected when Kurenai started asking for a volunteer to help with carrying some boxes up to her office. Kiba was just the right distance to poke in his side. He soon yelped and jumped up.

"Oh thanks Kiba. They're a little heavy so you'll have to make a few trips."

"That's fine miss." He said it through gritted teeth while giving Shikamaru a death glare. There would be retribution but it was worth it.

"Nicely done." Choji was impressed. "He'll definitely kill you for it though."

"Oh I know." Every time he returned for a box he gave the boy a death glare and subtly flipped him the middle finger. It was funny to watch.

Hidan entered the classroom just after Kiba had taken the last box out of the room. The rain had been pouring all morning and he had obviously been in it for a while. He was soaked through and seemed not to have noticed. Understandably he was in a foul mood and he slammed the door hard enough to crack some of the glass. No one dared to laugh.

"Hidan? Do you have any spare clothes?"

"What the fuck do you think?" If anyone else had said that she would've ripped them a new one but like most teachers she gave him some leeway.

"Does anybody have any spares at all?" This made most people shuffle awkwardly. A few people probably did but no one wanted to risk having to spend time alone with Hidan or to draw attention to themselves. Kiba had returned to the classroom just as she said this and Shikamaru could see his little face just light up with an evil grin. He realised what the boy was about to do but was powerless to stop him.

"Shika's usually got some in his locker." He put on such an innocent expression that Kurenai was sufficiently fooled.

"Could you lend out any of it?" Well it wasn't like he could say no at this point. Denying it would be possible but at the same time his conscience wouldn't let him.

"Sure…"

Hidan followed him out of the room and he could feel the scowl burning into the back of his head. If he got out of this alive he'd be thankful. At least Hidan didn't seem to feel like talking. Shikamaru could appreciate someone who didn't talk too much.

When he got to the locker he did end up dropping the key in a rush to get it open and pull the clothes out.

"Err…" He had noticed a slight problem and Hidan was starting to get impatient.

"What? Why are you fucking around?" _Oh crap._

"They might be a little small for you." Shikamaru was a fair amount shorter and smaller in build so obviously his clothes wouldn't fit.

"I don't give a shit so hand 'em over."

"Ok…" Hidan pretty much grabbed them out of his hand and stalked off. There was one benefit to this irritating diversion. If he had to do this shit he definitely wasn't rushing back to class.

-Page Break-

"Ok, I'll admit I went too far." At least he was admitting he was wrong here. It was a rare occasion that Kiba actually realised he was doing something stupid.

"What did he do?" Naruto was among the group in a different class and so didn't know what had happened.

"I am still pretty pissed off with you Kiba."

"I'm sorry! At least you didn't die though!"

"True…" He wasn't as annoyed as he was acting but it was fun to make the boy squirm a little.

"What did he do? Dammit guys, don't ignore me!"

"Shika tricked Kiba into carrying loads of boxes so he forced Shikamaru into being alone with Hidan." This was a surprising thing to Naruto. Shikamaru was more surprised that Choji could actually talk whilst eating.

"How did you get out of there alive?"

"God knows." _Because I most definitely don't. _

"Will you forgive me if I buy you a cookie?"

"…Double chocolate chip?"

"Whatever you want."

"Deal." He forgave people pretty easily when bribed.

Cookie acquired, he sat and gazed out the window. The rain was too heavy to go outside in and so they'd stayed in the classroom. It was crowded and stuffy and difficult to breathe in and Shikamaru hated the noise. He was a loner by nature and so being in places like this could get a bit much for him.

"You ok there?" Choji always noticed.

"I guess… Kind of sick of people right now."

"You want some of my crisps?" It wasn't often that he shared food so you knew you were close if he was willing to do that.

"I'm good."

"You don't eat enough."

"I don't sleep much either." Insomnia hadn't been something that always bothered him but lately sleeping at nights had been difficult. It was too quiet in some ways.

"What's wrong with you?"

"I don't know. I'm feeling really… Listless might be a good word for it."

"Listless?"

"Just everything feels kind of troublesome. It's all the same. And that's all well and good but… I can't explain it! The air just feels stale."

"You need a new hobby."

"I can't think of anything to do. It's not like we live in the most exciting place in the world."

"But you hate excitement."

"I do but I hate feeling like crap too."

"Well maybe something interesting will happen soon."

"Hopefully." Even a minor brawl in the classroom would be a good start. This was provided by Naruto and Kiba who had decided to arm wrestle. Naturally this eventually descended into full blown wrestling and most of the rest of the class stopped what they were doing to watch and laugh.

Whilst watching Shikamaru found his eyes wandering to the corner where Hidan normally sat. The boy wasn't there as expected but people avoided the area almost instinctively. Despite the clothes being too small for him he'd still worn them. Shikamaru doubted he'd get them back though he dreaded the idea of having to explain to his mum why he needed a new kit for P.E.

He didn't want to be near to Hidan but at the same time he often found himself watching. Everybody did but he almost found himself admiring him in a way. He didn't want to be as nuts as him but at the same time he did wish he could act like that without giving a shit what people thought of him. It seemed less of a hassle than trying to please family members and teachers.

When Kiba finally emerged victorious the room went back to normal and Shikamaru started tracing the graffiti in his desk. None of it was original but it was worth a read to find out if there were any updates. Usually a penis or two (courtesy of Sai) was added and this week didn't disappoint.

"Why are you stroking that penis?" Yet again it was Kiba.

"I'm not-." _Ah. I am. _He pulled his arm back and glared. "I was thinking."

"You feel up penises when you're thinking?" The grin just got wider.

"Coming from the king of masturbation. It's all you ever do."

"No it isn't!" This was always something he vehemently denied even though they all knew it was true. It did at least make Kiba leave him alone.

By the time the day ended, Shikamaru felt even more out of it. Long hours of people and work had mostly burnt him out and so he wanted to get out of there so he could escape. He found himself simply staring into space as he went to dump all his heavy books into the locker. The rain was tipping it down again and he was trying to think of a way to get a lift home from some kind of parent.

He was pulled back to earth when the door was slammed shut in front of him. Hidan was staring at him and he seemed kind of pissed off.

"Can I help you?" It was stupidly polite but that was his default mode when dealing with crazy people. Hidan handed him a bag. "Err… What's-." _Oh! _It was kind of stupid that he didn't notice Hidan had changed back into his usual clothes.

"…Thanks." This was so out of character Shikamaru stared at him.

"No problem?" Hidan nodded and walked off. Shikamaru was kind of frozen in shock. It was just weird to see someone who was usually so angry and hateful all the time acting like a civil human being.

…_Either I'm dreaming or I've hit my head. _


	3. Chapter 3

**People are Troublesome**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

"What is this?" Shikamaru had woken up to the sound of knocking on his bedroom door. Expecting a fire or some similar emergency he had dashed over half dressed and panicking slightly. Yoshino was standing there holding out some of his clothes and a pair of shoes.

"It's ten." It seemed she expected this to make sense to him.

"It's also the weekend."

"And I have Mikoto, Kushina and Kurenai coming round in half an hour."

"So you want me to leave so you can clean up and spend the afternoon bitching about the assorted men in your lives?"

"I'm glad you understand. You have ten minutes." She pushed the things into his arms and slammed the door in his face.

…_Well that is just fantastic. _It really made you feel loved when your family kicked you out so they could loudly talk about the many problems with your father. The one consolation was that Shikaku had also been thrown out of the house judging from the way he was sitting in the doorway of his shed with a bottle of whiskey in hand. They glanced at each other as if to say 'women, eh?' and Shikamaru headed off. There were few things duller than watching his dad get drunk. The only time it was funny was when he decided to do a striptease through the house whilst all of Yoshino's friends were there.

He was hopeful that Choji was still at home. If he was around he could usually sponge some baked goods from their house. And they wouldn't get pissed at him if he fell asleep on their sofa.

His options were pretty limited really. Sasuke and Naruto would be off limits on a day like this. Neither of their parents would be around and so they'd be all over each other. Ino's dad was just as bad as his own and she could be really annoying. Neji and Hinata were at a family thing, Kiba would be doing work while his mother yelled at him, and Sai… was probably doing something. No one knew and no one asked what he did on his days off.

The only other person was Asuma. They did have fun playing Shogi together at times but the smoking would put anyone off and he wasn't really talking to him at the moment. Asuma was the one who had tricked him into that IQ test, causing the pressure on him to increase massively.

When he got to the Akimichi household he knew there was no way he could stay here. Although there were plenty of food stuffs and Choji didn't seem to mind him being there, Ino was sitting at the kitchen counter eating cookies.

"Hey Shika."

"Hi Ino." He couldn't help but sound a little annoyed.

"What's wrong with you?" Choji was stuffing his face with toast.

"The woman kicked me out for the day."

"No wonder. You need to leave the house sometimes." Ino was just as foolish as the rest of them.

"Not at weekends." It was bad enough that he had to leave the house for school.

"You can stay here for a while if you like?" This was what he wanted but having Ino here ruined things slightly. Whenever she and Choji got together recently they kept flirting with each other. It wasn't as bad as the face licking he'd seen in other couples but it was annoying that they wouldn't just come out with it.

"I think I'll leave you guys to it." He did remember to grab a cookie on the way out though.

All he needed to do was to find some nice quiet patch of ground to laze about on and he would be happy. The streets of the town were filled with people at this time of the day including families and the little old ladies that looked sweet but seemed to have a thing for knocking him 'accidentally' with any sticks they had. He wasn't sure why.

Then there was the park but that was filled with small children and people with mad dogs so he doubted he'd get much peace and quiet there. The only other option he could think of that might be peaceful was one of the farms. They had footpaths so technically people could go through there but it was a lot quieter.

After finding an appropriate patch of ground that had no dog or cow shit but also enough grass to actually be comfortable, he laid back and stared up the sky. It was warm with a few clouds floating by. The sun was shining on him and the warmth had him gradually drifting off. This probably wasn't safe but he doubted he had anything worth stealing from. The sound of approaching footsteps made him slightly more aware.

_Well that's just typical. Bloody walkers. _Instead of looking over he kept his eyes closed and pretended he didn't notice. Usually people would see this and change their route or walk back. This person either didn't notice or didn't care and carried on walking.

_Please just go away. _He wasn't in the mood for conversation. _Why aren't they stopping? If they get any closer they're going to-. _

His thoughts were interrupted when the stupid asshole who was walking along didn't see him and ended up tripping over his upper torso. This winded Shikamaru and sent the person flying into the hedge.

_Damn that hurt. _He rubbed his stomach. _Was that my fault? _He probably could have said something or made his presence obvious. Whenever he was on his own he was often completely oblivious to other people sometimes.

"Excuse me? Are you-?" He had turned round to make sure the other guy wasn't hurt when he realised who it was. Hidan was pulling himself up out of the hedge. Even from behind he was pretty distinctive. At this point he felt he had two options. Run away before the boy recognised him (unlikely) or attempt to make up for it and hope he wasn't beaten up too much.

"…Hidan?" The boy looked round and it was clear from the look on his face that he was pretty angry.

"What the fuck were you doing there?! You stupid asshole!" It was pretty loud and he physically recoiled at the shouting.

"I'm sorry, I thought you'd notice me…" This was the wrong thing to say.

"You're saying this is my fault?!"

"No! I-." Hidan grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him close.

"What is your problem?" _My problem?! What the hell? _He could think that but he wasn't going to say anything aloud. He wasn't that brave.

"I'm really sorry! I should've said something, let me make it up to you!" This was the best he could think to say.

"How?" He still sounded annoyed but he had loosened his grip slightly.

"Err…" He noticed the boys arm was covered with scratches from the brambles. "I could fix up your arm?"

"What?"

"I mean the scratches…"

"And?" _He wants more? _

"I could… get you some lunch?" There was a long tense pause.

"…Fine." Hidan released him and Shikamaru took a few steps back. The other boy was watching him and glaring. "Well?"

"Err…" _Where can we go? Crap. It's gonna have to be my place. _There was nowhere else he could think of to go with this mad guy and very little money. "Follow me." His mum was just going to have to deal with it.

-Page Break-

"Shika!" _Oh god. _They'd arrived back at the house after walking in complete silence and all he wanted to do was get inside quickly so he could get it over with. Instead Shikamaru was faced with the view of Shikaku half-naked on the shed roof while Yoshino tried to knock him off with a broom.

"Tell your father to get off the roof!" Why she was asking him he wasn't sure. If she couldn't do it then he definitely couldn't.

"Right…" Hidan didn't say anything but he was staring. "Well good luck with that guys, we're gonna go inside now…" He headed in and heard the other boy following.

He led the boy up to his room. It wasn't ideal but he didn't want any outside people communicating with his family.

"…What foods do you like?"

"Meat." _Well that's helpful. Knowing him it's probably raw steak covered in blood. _He cooked a few slices of bacon and some sausages, ignoring the chaos going on outside. At least they were still fighting. He didn't want to hear their making up noises.

Food cooked, he grabbed the first aid kit and carried it all upstairs. Hidan was sitting on his bed and watching him walk in. It was kind of unnerving to be stared at like that.

"Here." He handed the plate over. "And I have a first aid kit so…" Hidan held his arm out and started eating.

"…Do you want me to do it?"

"You said you would."

"Right…" _And this isn't awkward. _There were quite a few scratches on there, most of which had bled a fair amount so he had to wipe the blood off first. The boy hadn't even tried to get rid of the rest of it which was irritating. Most people would've done.

Hidan didn't seem to care at all and instead stuffed the food into his mouth as if he hadn't eaten anything in days. Although once he'd finished he did stare at Shikamaru instead. It seemed more like he was doing it to creep him out rather than because he was actually annoyed.

"Now do the other arm." _…Of course. _The whole time neither of them talked. Shikamaru was really aware of who it was he was alone with and how most people who got this close ended up in pain. As he was paying him back for it he assumed he wouldn't get his ass kicked even though this wasn't great.

"It's done." _Hopefully he'll leave. _Although he looked at what Shikamaru had done he didn't seem to be considering moving.

This made for an interesting situation. He didn't want the guy to stay here for hours but he didn't want to tell him to leave. When his phone started ringing he hoped it was some kind of emergency he could rush off too.

"Shika! If you were my sister, where would you keep your condoms?"

"…Why are you asking me that?" Kiba never gave any explanation for these kinds of things as if he expected people to just understand automatically.

"She's been a bitch all day so I want to steal her condoms and stop her from screwing her boyfriend tonight."

"Even if you do steal her condoms, her boyfriend will probably have some. Or she could just buy some more." Hidan was staring at him and he had to look away. It was embarrassing.

"Damn… Well how would you ruin the mood?"

"I don't know! Put a hose in the window? If your sister's sex life bothers you that much, just go out!"

"You heartless bastard! What's wrong with you? You're not even helping!"

"I don't have time to talk, I have a… visitor." He couldn't think of what else call him really.

"Oh I see. You've got a girl round."

"No I don't."

"Are you trying to get her into bed?"

"I do _not_ have a girl round." He couldn't even look at Hidan. What the guy thought of all this he didn't want to know.

"So it's a guy? Why didn't you tell me? Are you trying to screw him?"

"I'm not trying to screw him he's-." _Oh hell. _He hadn't wanted to shout that. He heard Hidan walking over and he braced himself for the punching. Hidan took the phone from his hand.

"_I'm_ the one trying to screw _him_ so kindly fuck off." He then put the phone down and dropped it on the floor. Shikamaru was kind of in shock here.

_What just happened? _Hidan didn't seem to care at all about what he'd just done and instead sat back down on the bed.

"Err…" _What do I say about this?_

"-dessert."

"Eh?"

"I said, what's for dessert?" _…That's all you're thinking about?! _

"…Just wait a second." Shikamaru half stumbled down the stairs as if in a trance. Kiba was going to have a field day with this. Not to mention Ino and Sakura. They'd enjoyed tricking Shino and Kiba into kissing so they'd have a lot to say about this. He didn't even know why the other boy had done it. If he'd laughed it would've been ok but he'd just acted as normal. He grabbed one of the chocolate pot things from the fridge.

"Is this ok?"

"I guess." Hidan seemed unbothered as he ate it. He didn't even care that Shikamaru was staring at him and trying to work out how to talk to him.

"Um… Could I ask you something?"

"What?" It was abrupt and annoyed.

"…Why did you just do that?"

"Do what?" _I bet he's doing this on purpose._

"What you just said." Hidan gave him a blank stare. "On the phone?"

"Oh. I don't know." He resumed eating. _Well that's helpful. _

"There must be a reason." He was getting annoyed right now.

"I guess it was funny." Hidan did at least look thoughtful.

"I see…" _You don't look like you found it funny. _Shikamaru did hate socialising too often so he didn't understand people that well but even then Hidan was still very difficult to read.

"Here." He held out the empty pot, stood up and walked out the bedroom door.

"Wait!" He didn't know why he shouted but Hidan just stopped and glared. _Shit… Say something! _"So you're leaving now?"

"What do you think?"

"Sorry…" _I'm saying that a lot today. _

"Did you want me to stay or something?"

"No! I mean… Um…" _Damn now I sound like a heartless bastard. _He didn't even know what he wanted here. This guy always had him acting completely different.

"If you're finished being an asshole, can I go now?"

"Yeah, sorry…" Hidan raised an eyebrow at him but didn't go.

"Well?"

"What?" He'd assumed that would be it.

"Aren't you going to walk me out?" _Eh? _It was something a small child would say. His facial expression didn't give much away.

"Sure." He walked down the stairs with Hidan following and opened the front door to where his parents appeared to have reached a stalemate.

"Can you tell your mother to stop being such a psycho?" Shikaku was still slurring.

"Can you tell your father to stop being a moron?"

"Can you guys sort yourselves out without needing my help?" It was tempting to hose them down. Hidan didn't even comment and chose just to walk off leaving Shikamaru alone with the parents. At least he was unlikely to tell anyone about this weirdness. It didn't take Shikamaru long to decide that his best bet would be to lock them out until they got over it. He'd already done his socialising for the day. 


	4. Chapter 4

**People are Troublesome**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

From the moment he first got to school Shikamaru knew the day was going to end up being as crappy as the last couple of days. First there was Hidan, then all of his friends were texting him asking about his 'new boyfriend' and now he walked in to see Ino and Kiba sitting on his desk. He'd been avoiding answering calls and replying to texts but it was hard to avoid talking to people at school.

"Hey Shika." Kiba had a smug look on his face and was clearing looking forward to what was about to come.

"I should've known!" Ino was less subtle. "You've never been interested in girls. But why didn't you tell me? I thought you would've at least told your closest friend about this!"

"Firstly I'm not gay, second all the women I know are annoying, and third even if I was gay I wouldn't tell you any of it."

"But who was that guy?" Kiba was practically in his face now.

"My… cousin." It seemed the best explanation. The truth was too weird for him.

"I didn't think you had any cousins." He didn't and he couldn't help but curse the closeness of their families.

"He's like a cousin. His family's friends with my parents. I haven't seen him for years and he only came down for the weekend." Luckily he could think up excuses pretty quickly when he needed to.

"So you guys were just innocently sitting in your room." Ino was giving him one of her suggestive looks. He'd long ago learned that it was best not to look guilty. Instead he walked up and sat at his desk.

"You can imagine whatever you want." It was what she was going to do anyway. Kiba was probably going to start but luckily Iruka walked in, sending all the fools scuttling back to their seats. At least Choji never bothered him about any of this.

Hidan wasn't there as usual and Shikamaru was glad of that. Whenever that guy was around something seemed to go wrong for him. Although after the phone call it seemed that he didn't even need to be there. Ino kept wiggling her eyebrows at him and drawing pictures of him embracing random guys. He assumed it was him anyway. Her drawings sucked.

Two lessons in and he was considering going home. He was stupidly tired and his friends weren't helping the situation. Not to mention the fact that it was Asumas class. The man had attempted conversation a couple of times when the class had quieted down but he had just ignored him. Hidan eventually showed up towards the end of the lesson, not even looking at Shikamaru. This just bothered him further. His day had been ruined yet the guy barely noticed his existence.

But he had to admit Hidan wasn't the one who kept giving him crap. By the middle of the day he'd stopped replying. Ino and his other friends realised he was getting annoyed so left him alone. Kiba seemed to be missing the part of the brain that worked this kind of thing out.

"So can I be the best man at the wedding?" Even pretending to sleep wasn't working now.

"When I get married you can be the doormat."

"So are you the top or the bottom?" This wasn't even deserving of a reply. "In case you don't what that means, it's-."

"I know how it works!" He gathered up his bags and started walking off. "Where are you-? Ow! You bitch!"

"Don't take it too far you jackass!" At least it seemed Ino and Sakura were standing up for him. In the meantime he was going to find somewhere better to go.

In the end he chose the library. It kind of sucked since it was full of asshole kids who apparently loved the sound of their own voices but at least they didn't care what he was doing. Even if it did worsen his headache. He slumped down on the desk and closed his eyes in an attempt to drown it out. When the sound suddenly died down twenty minutes later he wasn't too bothered. Either the librarian had flipped out or something more interesting was happening somewhere else. When he opened his eyes he could see Hidan at the other side of the room.

_Well that's just perfect. _Although he was in the far corner of the room he still felt too close for comfort. Something troublesome was bound to happen with that one so close. After a while though things were still mostly silent. Even the librarian seemed to have escaped. Shikamaru opened one eye to see how close the crazy one was. Very close it seemed. Hidan had decided to sit opposite him and was staring. Of course he nearly fell of his chair as he jumped up. There was a very long and awkward silence.

"…Do you need something?" A pretty reasonable question to ask.

"No."

"I see…" _Why were you staring then? _Sadly he wasn't quite brave enough to say that. Even after being caught out he still didn't stop. Shikamaru grabbed a random book and pretended to read but even then he could feel eyes burning into him. "Are you sure you don't need anything?" Hidan just shrugged.

_How helpful. _Getting up to leave sounded good but he didn't want to move from his comfy spot. Being this close to a known psycho wasn't great either though. Especially knowing that if he said anything awkward he'd probably be beaten. It was then that he noticed Hidan still had the same bandages on from the other day.

"…Shouldn't you change those?" It didn't matter who it was, if someone was being an idiot he felt obliged to point it out.

"How the hell would I know?" He even dared to look at Shikamaru like he was a moron.

"…Maybe you should check it's healed?" His health problems didn't bother Shikamaru that much but he had too much of a conscience to let the idiot get an infection.

"You do it if you're so bothered." _What?! _Hidan held out his arm and just looked at him. It took a lot of self-restraint not to tell him where to stick it.

"Fine." Anything for an easy life. No one was near enough to see what they were doing so he was glad of that. Physical contact with this guy felt awkward enough.

"Your arm looks fine." At least then he wouldn't have to put any more on. He didn't want to have to touch the boy that much.

"Hn." _And not even a thank you. _Shikamaru could feel his eye twitching as it usually did when someone pissed him off. Major anger wasn't common for him and he usually held it in.

_I am not moving. He's the one bothering me. _He tried to lie down again but he kept feeling the staring and so sleep was pretty much impossible.

"Why don't you read something?"

"What the fuck does that mean?" Hidan took it as well as expected.

"You must be bored to be staring at me." He knew he wasn't that interesting to stare at.

"I was working out what gender you were." This was pretty unexpected.

"…Why?"

"You look feminine. And you're reading a book on fucking dresses." Shikamaru finally noticed what the book he'd grabbed was on and quickly pushed it away.

"That was an accident. I'm completely male and I'm not a cross dresser before you ask." It was like talking to Kiba in some ways.

"Prove it."

"What?!" This time he couldn't help shouting slightly. Hidan was staring at him with occasional glances to his trousers and Shikamaru scowled.

"I said prove it." _…This guy should spend some time with Sai. _

"No!" He was going red. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He regretted it after he said it. This was a question that you just shouldn't ask Hidan.

"Fuck you." He grabbed hold of Shikamaru by the shirt and it seemed punching was imminent. Unlike last time he just didn't care.

"Well what is it? Why can't you just smile once in a while and act like a decent person? Why have you got to pull this kind of thing? Is it really that hard?" This was very satisfying to say. Especially as it seemed to surprise Hidan so much he'd gone speechless. He rarely got a reply probably.

"How the fuck would I know?" Hidan then released him and stormed off. This was kind of weird but not as much as the very obvious pained look he'd had. It shouldn't have been surprising that the guy could get hurt yet it still shocked him.

…_Damn. I feel kind of bad now. _It felt odd to be pitying someone so rude and hateful. He could remember what his mum had said when he'd mentioned Hidan at home for the first time. 'You don't know what makes him that way'. And despite having been threatened just minutes before he still felt guilty.

-Page Break-

"What's wrong with you?" Sasuke, Sakura and Kiba were all staring at him. English had broken his brain and every now and then he kept staring back at Hidan. The guy had been sending scowls his way the whole time and it was making him feel worse.

"…Nothing. Just English."

"Ok…" Sakura continued to give him side glances but mostly they left them to it. Until Kiba noticed.

"Why is the psycho staring at you?" This caused the others to notice.

"Wow, if looks could kill…"

"What did you do?" Sakura looked worried.

"It's kind of complicated…" This would involve explanations of Saturday and so he didn't want to have to deal with everyone going on about that.

"He's probably gonna kick your ass now." Kiba was smirking.

"Just shut up." A swift kick to the shin stopped the smirking but it did cause a kicking war to erupt.

"Kiba stop being a dick."

"Hey! Why do you guys always blame me?"

"Because it's always your fault." Sakura jabbed him with a pen. "Get on with it."

"Shika's not doing anything!"

"Yet he's still more useful than you." Although it was amusing to see Kiba being given hell he was still distracted by Hidan scowling. By now some other people had noticed and it was getting weird.

"What are you going to do about that?" Sasuke tilted his head towards the angry one.

"I don't know… I think I'm gonna have to apologise."

"_You're _going to apologise? Christ, what did you do?"

"It's hard to explain." And now he knew he was going to have to try to apologise to him. Although he didn't know why he was really upset, it was definitely what he'd said. _Why did he come over though? What did he want?_

Shikamaru wanted to catch him at the end of the lesson but the boy had disappeared by then and so he had to seek him elsewhere. The lockers seemed a good place so he stood and waited. Considering how quickly he usually tried to escape making contact with Hidan, it was weird that he was trying to find him now.

It wasn't until he was starting to daydream that the locker next to him slammed open and Hidan stood and glared. Clearly he resented having someone else in his space.

"Hidan?" This was kind of nerve wracking and he really wanted to run but sadly he was too polite.

"What?" There was a lot of hate in his voice and he almost stepped back. The boy was moving things round in his locker and not even looking at him.

"I… Um…" _What do I say? I don't even know what to apologise for!_

"Just say it and piss off."

"I'm sorry." He dropped the bag he was holding.

"…What did you just say?"

"I'm sorry?" Hidan was staring at him now. "I think I upset you, right? I'm sorry."

"…"

"…Are you ok?" A normal question but this still brought continued staring. "…Ok, well I have to go now so…" When this was met with no resistance he walked off occasionally looking back. Hidan continued to stare and it wasn't until he left eyesight that he sped up to get out of there.

_Why does nothing that this guy does make sense? _Most people would acknowledge that someone was talking to them even if he was still annoyed. _I am never going to understand him. _


End file.
